Invasion

Synopsis: If someone hawks a loogie on you, don't worry about it...JUST DON'T EVER GO TO SLEEP AGAIN!!
Review: I can buy into sci-fi and somewhat outrageous plots, so my problem with this movie is aside from that. This movie introduces the "Random Russian" problem, which is the guy in the middle of the movie that introduces the central theme of the show but has absolutely no significance in the movie. Awkward.
And if you couldn't pick up the theme through the Random Russian accent, the movie has the balls to repeat it over and over and over and over again. Just when you think you got it and just before the closing credits, guess what? You get the Random Russian conversation replayed just before black. Are you serious?? I don't mind movies with agendas, just don't force feed me...I'm not that stupid.
Rating: 2.0 out of 10

Jumper

Synopsis: The making of Darth Vader, I think, maybe not, seemed a lot like Anaken Sky-douche-walker to me.
Review: This movie has me asking a lot of questions:
1. Why is Samuel L's hair white?
2. Why is Heyden's mom such a bitty? I love you so I leave you BS?
3. Why is it that no fox high school drama show actor/actress can effectively transition to the big screen? Nobody from 90210 could do it, and neither can anybody from the OC including Bilson (maybe Brody has a chance).
4. And most importantly, why is Heyden such a douche-bag?
This movie and franchise for that matter is interesting, just seemed to be too spotty like the time of the month. I am willing to give the sequel a chance but there's a lot of work to do.
Rating: 4.0 out of 10

Definitely Maybe

Synopsis: Little 8 year old girl tries to figure out who her mom is after she has a sex-ed class through drilling her dad.
Review: Anybody know where I can get an 8-year old Dr. Laura I can carry around on my shoulders. I'd like one of those. Geez, I didn't know this movie was going to about a young female Doogie Houser specializing in psychiatry.
With that aside, this movie has enough to get you through. There's enough variety and comedy to get you through...and possibly some action after the movie.
Rating: 6.4 out of 10

Drillbit Taylor

Synopsis: Owen takes a few picked-on boys under his wing, without being a pedafile.
Review: I thought if I saw this movie I might be more okay with the idea of Owen Wilson possibly overdosing. However, to my surprise, this sandlot'esque movie wasn't half bad. It makes you want to watch Superbad and it makes you miss McLovin. The McLovin kid in this movie is unfortunately too big of a queer though to warrant the same endearment as McLovin.
Besides that, the kids were pretty funny and Owen seems to still have enough to make a decent movie. With that being the case, can somebody please bring back Hansel? He's so hot right now.
Rating: 5.0 out of 10

Just My Luck

Synopsis: Seriously, does it matter? Can't you tell what this one is about?
Review: The movie is not that bad if you still sport a hello kitty backback, but that's besides the point. The point is Lindsey Lohan...and what I would like to introduce as the "Lindsey Lohan Effect." In order to have the Lindsey Lohan effect, you need 2 distinct qualities:
1. You are simply not hot at all.
2. Besides not being hot, you still make men really want to see you naked.
Seriously, the whole movie I debated whether or not she was hot because of that fact that I wanted to see her naked. I've concluded the Lindsey Lohan Effect.
Rating: 3.5 out of 10